In the previous Torah portion, Israel is instructed on Torah Rules of Engagement during a war. Parashat Ki Teitzei (Deut. 21:10-25:19)picks up that theme with what might be termed Rules for Getting Engaged during war with the commandment of the Beautiful Captive. Yes, the Torah makes allowance for a warrior smitten by an attractive enemy captive and wants her for his wife. God allows this, but only as a concession to the very real impact on a man's state of mind during battle, even though this situation did not apply to every man who went into battle for ancient Israel. Therefore the commandment requires a series of restrictions before taking the matter any further:
“…you shall bring her into your household, and she shall trim her hair, pare her nails, and discard her captive’s garb. She shall spend a month’s time in your household lamenting her father and mother; after that you may come to her and thus become her husband, and she shall be your wife. Should you no longer want her, you must release her outright. You must not sell her for money: since you had your will of her, you must not enslave her.” - Deuteronomy 21:12-14
This waiting period gives the potential groom time to reflect on his act and consider the woman's feelings and what the future holds with a wife he has chosen so impulsively. There's an old saying applies to the situation: “marry in haste, repent in leisure”.
Many of Israel's warriors could control their impulses. The commandment for the Beautiful Captive seems to apply to that fighter suffering what we recognize today as Post Traumatic Stress syndrome (PTSD). Military historian Jason Crowley acknowledges that not everyone in combat is affected in the same way:
"The 20th-century soldier, for example in Vietnam, was susceptible to PTSD not because he was psychologically weak, but because he was exposed to a range of conditions closely associated with PTSD. He was often exhausted and sleep-deprived when he met his enemy. He fought socially and physically isolated from his comrades. He faced threats he could not counter and, perhaps most crucially, when he killed, he transgressed the peaceful norms he’d been raised to cherish."
Of course, the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces) does not sanction taking hostages as brides! But the basic principle behind the Beautiful Captive is still relevant today because Israel continues to fight for its life and some of its soldiers may not be prepared for the harsh realities of war and the trauma they might experience.
Things haven't changed much; men will often choose a partner based solely on physical beauty. But Israel is expected to heed God’s instruction and lead with compassion and respect. The commandment serves as a lesson for any man wanting to start a family by considering all the ramifications of a new union. We will see in the commandments that follow, in the parsha, that there are potential consequences of a marriage founded on less than stable conditions :
“If a man has two wives, one loved and the other unloved, and both the loved and the unloved have borne him sons, but the first-born is the son of the unloved one—when he wills his property to his sons, he may not treat as first-born the son of the loved one in disregard of the son of the unloved one who is older. Instead, he must accept the first-born, the son of the unloved one, and allot to him a double portion of all he possesses; since he is the first fruit of his vigor, the birthright is his due.”
Again, in contemporary terms, this has application within extended families with its mix of former spouses and children from previous marriages interacting. The challenges are the same. We fall prey to playing favorites and things get messy. The commandment is often referred to as the Hated Wife, clearly a comment on the failings of the husband whether he’s the Biblical head of the family or a modern man who divorces his first wife and remarries.
The Torah continues the theme of familial shortcomings that results in a figure known as The Rebellious Son who is now a menace both to his family and to society. He’s so out of control that his parents let the courts step in:
“They shall say to the elders of his town, “This son of ours is disloyal and defiant; he does not heed us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.” Thereupon his town’s council shall stone him to death. Thus you will sweep out evil from your midst: all Israel will hear and be afraid.”
To those unfamiliar with the Oral Torah, this seems shocking, even beyond the pale. But according to Chazal (The Sages) this has never taken place in Israel—ever. There is no record of this judgement and punishment. In fact, the sentence cannot be carried out unless a series of random crimes are committed by the son (who has to be over thirteen years of age)all within a very specific time on the same day. In addition, both parents must agree to appear in court to testify to their son’s guilt. If only one will testify, the son is acquitted. The Rambam cites other conditions, that when read, it's clear that carrying out the entire list of deeds would be virtually impossible.
There’s another reason no son has ever been accused of meeting all these conditions. Actually, this commandment is considered a deterrent that warns parents of the dangers of not providing a wholesome, Torah-based home that teaches wisdom through fear of God, as well as fostering care and compassion. Such an environment results in children honoring their parents.
Reading further into the parsha we encounter a host of seemingly unrelated mitzvoth, everything from returning lost items, helping your neighbor with livestock, as well as precepts against men dressing as women and vice-versa, then there’s the curious commandment dealing with a Mother Bird:
“If, along the road, you chance upon a bird’s nest, in any tree or on the ground, with fledglings or eggs and the mother sitting over the fledglings or on the eggs, do not take the mother together with her young. Let the mother go, and take only the young, in order that you may fare well and have a long life.” - Deuteronomy 22:6-7
On the simplest level the commandment teaches the preservation of species so that a balance is maintained in nature. Most of all it’s a directive to show compassion so that we don’t inflict pain, starting with the lowliest of creatures which naturally progresses to treating all of humanity in that fashion. The command to spare the Mother bird will engender that level of consciousness. As Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch states:
“Do this in the awareness that all of your happiness, present and future, depends on the spirit that informs this mitzvah; namely, your expression of respect for the dignity of motherhood.”
Rav Hirsch links the command to preserve the mother bird to the previous mitzvoth that involved marriage and proper parenting to another mitzvah that promises long life:
“Honor your father and your mother, as your God has commanded you, that you may long endure, and that you may fare well, in the land that your God is assigning to you.” - Deuteronomy 5:16
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